I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
