Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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