i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
