I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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