i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
