then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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