Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
