I heard we made out
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
