I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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