i barfeds in our rink
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
