new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
