Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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