I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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