So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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