her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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