She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
