I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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