after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
its liver damage thursday
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
