just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
