And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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