If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the day after is always just damage control
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
