your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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