i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
