Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's never too late to be topless.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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