There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
