When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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