the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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