did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
