xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
