He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
