Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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