you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
