Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
