Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
