I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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