Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
