You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
