I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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