Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
