Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So many bounce houses so little time
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
