I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
