if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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