We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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