I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
