the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
