You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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