yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
