im gay
i know
yea but for you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
