she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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