so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
