bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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