Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
